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Sacred Self-Love
February 14, 2022
“How did the rose ever open its heart and give to the world all its beauty? It felt the encouragement of light against its being. Otherwise, we all remain too frightened."
Daniel Ladinsky
For this Sacred Love Fest, spirit inspired me with 50 ways (!!) to genuinely love, honor, and cherish yourself every day. Organized into the primary ways of giving and receiving love as categorized by Gary Chapman in The 5 Love Languages (take this quiz to find out yours), I hope you'll be inspired with some sweet new ways to express love in your own life.
Words of Affirmation
- Ten Things I Love about Me. Make a list. Include physical characteristics, personality traits, and accomplishments. List twenty more things that you like or appreciate about yourself. Do a longer list once a week or once a month. Even better, do this every day as part of a journaling process.
- Mirror Work. In front of a mirror, look deeply into your eyes for ten seconds. Then say aloud to yourself, “I love you.” If a thought arises that is self-critical or negative, respond with, “And I love you anyway.” If you feel a strong resistance to this exercise, then begin with self-acceptance; say “I accept you . . . And I accept you anyway.”
- Affirmations. Create several that resonate with you. Write them in your journal or say them aloud every day. Write them on cards and place them in the car, in your wallet or purse, on the bathroom mirror, taped to your laptop – you get the idea.
- Tune In. Create a habit of tuning in to yourself several times a day: stop what you are doing, tune in, and what word comes to mind? It may speak to the physical, energetic, emotional, mental, or spiritual body, or perhaps it is all-encompassing. Then respond kindly. If you feel tired, take a short break or go for a walk around the block; if you are stressed, take ten slow and conscious breaths; if you are feeling great, savor the moment and express your appreciation.
- Songs of Love. Recite quotations or favorite selections of poetry, prose, or songs. Bonus points if they are about love. And yes, you can sing them.
- Love letters. Write yourself a love letter. Write another love letter to your younger self, your inner child. Write another to your future self, your most wise self. You might do this on your birthday, some other significant date, at the start of each season, or even once a month.
- Little Engine that Could. Play the role of coach or cheerleader and give yourself a pep-talk (aloud) while in your car running errands. Keep handy a playlist of favorite songs that motivate you to play in the background; make one of them your theme song.
- Complimentary Colors. When you find yourself in the space of self-judgment or criticism (whether other- or self-inflicted), for each and every critical thought, immediately think of TWO positive things about yourself to counter it.
- Yes and No. It’s high time that you figure out what matters the most to you and begin to consistently say Yes to those things. At the same time, you must learn how to say No to things and people that drain your energy, drag you down, or just don’t fit with your current priorities.
- Ask. Learn to ask for your wants and needs. Of course it behooves you to ask nicely, and to be cognizant of your timing and whatever else is going on with the person you are addressing. The point is, it’s your responsibility to ask; don’t add “reading your mind” to the list of things you want others to do for you.
Quality Time
- Know Thyself. People who practice self-love know themselves pretty well. Make a point to spend quality time with your higher self and your intuition will naturally expand and your confidence will deepen. Ask yourself questions, like “What do I think about . . . how do I feel about . . . what do I want?”
- Standing Date. Set aside a minimum of one hour every week to do something that inspires you and feeds your soul. Do this activity by yourself. Examples: explore an art gallery or museum, take a long walk in nature or a new-to-you neighborhood, enjoy a leisurely drive to a beach or hilltop and watch the sunset.
- Be Here Now. The practice of mindfulness meditation is perfect to cultivate presence, because it is all about being aware in the present moment. And while we’re on the subject, be sure to love yourself right now. No putting it off, and no putting conditions on it (I’ll love myself more when I lose weight, get the job, attract the right person...).
- Leisure Time. Make time for hobbies and recreational activities. Unlike the date with yourself, you may do these with other people, as long as you enjoy their company and the activities are things that you really love to do. This will nurture your Soul and help to keep your bucket full.
- Attentiveness. Give yourself your undivided attention. When you are having quality time with yourself, turn off your cellphone. And do less multi-tasking all around, especially if you are doing any activity of self-love or self-care.
- Day Off. Our souls appreciate a day of nurturing as much as our bodies do. So once win a while give yourself a day of being in the flow, with no plans, no list of things to do, no scheduled activities or events – a day to be totally free and spontaneous, and open to inspiration from your soul. And throughout the day ask yourself, what feels right to do now? And a little later, what’s next?
- Spiritual Practice. Set aside time for daily practices that are meditative in nature. Experiment with a variety of meditative activities, such as mindful breathing, journaling, listening to ambient music or guided visualizations, yoga, walking meditation, freeform movement, shamanic journeying, chanting, and so on. You can experiment with the times of day too – first thing in the morning, during lunchtime, after work, or right before bed. Start with five minutes each day, and each month or quarter you might increase the amount of time by five minutes until you are doing a total of 20 minutes.
- Get Lost. Where could you go and lose yourself for hours? Pursuing your passions, or rekindling them if they have been neglected, is a great way to find yourself again. Give yourself space as well as time so that you can truly lose yourself in what you love.
- Time Travel. Visit your hall of monsters as well as your hall of champions. Your hall of monsters so that you can acknowledge and grieve your injuries, as well as heal them. Your hall of champions so that you can celebrate and claim your successes, as well as build upon them. While you are time traveling, be sure to love yourself through all of it – remember that you were doing the best you could with what you had at the time, and remember that all of those experiences helped to shape you into the person you are today.
- The Best Medicine. “Laugh and the world laughs with you.” We often forget the role of fun and humor in lifting our spirits. Yet, when we are in a good mood, it is much easier to love ourselves, others, and everything around us. Laughter replenishes our souls and fills our buckets. And don’t underestimate the power of a genuine smile either.
Receiving Gifts
- Love Notes. Buy or make lovely greeting cards for your birthday, holidays, special occasions, or just because. If purchasing, find one that perfectly expresses your sentiments. You can even write a loving, personal note, and be sure to sign it, “Love always, Your Sacred Self.”
- Life’s Little Luxuries. Make a list of things that make you feel special. Start by recalling favorite memories and special moments, then cull from them ways to infuse your daily life with similar feelings. For example, splurge on high-thread-count sheets or place sumptuous chocolates on your pillow to remind you of a favorite vacation. Get the special pen that feels wonderful in your hand and glides across the page, and get some really nice paper too – maybe an elegant notebook or stationery. Or simply begin using the special things you already have: use that lovely quilt or mug you received as a gift; hang holiday ornaments in your windows as sun-catchers to enjoy year-round; and set the dinner table with your nice china and candles on everyday occasions – even if you are getting pizza delivered.
- Discover Your Gifts. Give yourself the gift of discovering what your gifts are. You are unique in the world. There is no one else – past, present or future – with the exact same combination of abilities, passions, interests, and natural talents. Exploring your gifts will help you discover your sacred purpose – what you came here to do.
- Buy Only What You Love. Don’t bring into your home any items that don’t bring you joy. In fact, start purging from your home items that have negative vibrations or sad associations attached to them.
- Tokens of Appreciation. Purchase little gifts of appreciation for yourself. Just because. You can even give them to yourself as surprises: when you have purchased several small items, place them in identical boxes or bags. Then on a day when you need a little pick-me-up, you can open one and it will be a surprise because you won’t know what is in the box, and you might even have forgotten that you had purchased the item.
- Give Yourself a Break. Take a break from television, the Internet, and social media. In fact, move the television and all other devices out of the bedroom. The worst times to be around those influences are just before going to sleep, or first thing in the morning (use a regular alarm clock if you need one). You might also institute specific times when viewing is not allowed (during family meals) or when it is allowed (bring back “movie night” on weekends). And set a timer for everyday use so you don’t get lost for hours.
- Invest in Yourself. Give yourself the gifts of knowledge and skills. Sign up for the class, buy the book, or register for the conference that will help you achieve your goals and objectives. Be curious and open to learning and experiencing new things.
- Flower Power. Bring beauty into your home with bouquets of flowers – for your birthday, holidays, special occasions, or just because. Even better, give yourself a surprise bouquet by ordering from the florist this way: give them a monthly budget, and instruct them to choose the specific bouquet and even the date to send it. And if flowers aren’t your thing, substitute chocolates, wine, gourmet snacks, fruit, whatever.
- Bucket List. Gift yourself with an experience on your bucket list. Don’t have a bucket list? Make some version of this list, then start planning for one of the items on it. The point is to give yourself the gift of an experience that is meaningful to you.
- Travel Treats. Take a vacation, go on a retreat, or make a day-trip. Expensive or cheap, with or without others - you choose.
Acts of Service
- The Body Temple. If there is a divine spark within, then the body is a temple for the soul. Take care of it. People high in self-love nourish themselves regularly through healthy activities and habits like exercise and proper rest. Schedule regular wellness appointments – you’re worth it, and you will feel so much better. Take this even further, and groom or pamper yourself with loving care so that you feel like the beautiful soul that you are.
- It Takes a Village. We can’t do everything ourselves; sometimes we need the support and love of others. Create a supportive community by surrounding yourself with positive people who - like you - enjoy doing things for others, Your natural inclination to perform acts of service will put you in good standing, and these people will want to do the same for you.
- Put Yourself First. Your natural inclination may be to care for and support those around you, but you cannot do this when you have neglected your own health and happiness. Put yourself and your well-being at the top of your list, so you can be the best version of yourself.
- Personal Chef. Prepare healthy meals for yourself. If you cannot do this for every meal, do it every other day, or once a week. Put thought into grocery shopping and meal preparation. You don’t have to cook everything from scratch using only organic products – many groceries carry ready-to-cook meals with high-quality ingredients.
- Maid of Highest Honor. Create an organized, clean and aesthetically pleasing home for yourself. And do yourself the favor of putting things away sooner. Your self will thank you later.
- Love Coupons. If you are on a budget at gift-giving time, give your finances a break while you give your loved ones the gifts of your time and attention. Craft an elaborate coupon that is good for things like: a shoulder rub, an evening of babysitting, one clean closet, a favorite home-cooked meal or batch of cookies.
- Do What You Do Best, Let Others Do the Rest. Self-esteem and self-love go hand in hand, so do something that you are good at - and the doing of it will bring out your best qualities – the ultimate self-esteem booster!
- Easy Does It. If you do one kind thing for yourself each day, and actively pursue enjoying some free time every day, over time you will begin to notice a lightness of heart.
- Live Intentionally. When you live with purpose and design, you accept and love yourself more, no matter what is happening in your life. When you know what you want to do, then you will make choices and take actions to help you accomplish it. This doesn’t mean you have to come up with a single purpose for your entire life – just figure out your best guess for now, and go from there.
- Play More. A play date may be the most important act of service you can do for yourself. Choose activities that you really enjoy, that nurture your soul, that give you energy. Playing rejuvenates and energizes you so you can go back to your work with enthusiasm and joy. You need “playtime” to be your best, most successful self. This is a supreme act of self-love.
Physical Touch
- Tactile Pleasures. Does your skin like to be kissed by the warm sun, or by a cool breeze? Do you prefer to wear sweats and tee-shirts, or crisp linens and tweeds? Know what feels good on your body and make adjustments to honor the skin you’re in. This goes for home furnishings too – which may require compromise and creativity if you share space with others, but is worth the effort.
- Mindful Meals. Pay attention to the food you put into your body and engage in mindful eating. Before each meal, be aware of your hunger level. Ask your body what it craves nutritionally before choosing a restaurant or ordering from a menu. Reflect on and appreciate the animals and plants that sacrificed their lives so that you might live another day. Be mindful of the taste, temperature and texture of every bite. Chew thoroughly and take breaks between bites. Pay attention to your fullness meter and stop when your body feels satisfied.
- Sacred Sexuality. Explore the myriad loving ways your soul wants to express the natural sexual energy of the body. Beyond sexual pleasure and procreation, sex energy can be transmuted into love and spiritual oneness, and can manifest as the divine union of two souls and eventually, oneness with all. But it is necessary to have a wholesome attitude towards sex, and to treat the sexual act as both natural and sacred. You might therefore explore your attitudes, beliefs, and feelings about sex and (perhaps with the help of a trusted counselor or therapist) heal any unhealthy, unwholesome, negative attitudes or expressive patterns. Both the lover and the beloved within you with thank you for this.
- Loving Touch. Get a professional full-body massage, or give yourself a treat by massaging lotion into your hands and arms, feet and legs, everywhere you can reach (added bonus: as you touch your skin, thank each body part for all it does for you). Even better, make it a full Spa Day, complete with manicure, pedicure and facial – either do-it-yourself or make an appointment at your favorite salon.
- Border Patrol. Where are your boundaries? Which of your relationships energize you, and which ones leave you feeling depleted? You’ll love yourself more when you set clear boundaries. That might mean saying no to certain activities, or limiting your interactions with people and situations that are not in your own best interest. Or, maybe you need to break down your walls. If you have created barriers in the past to protect yourself from someone or something, are they still needed?
- Build some Letting-Go Muscle. Many of us tend to hang on to things way past their “use by” or “best before” dates. Old baggage, limiting beliefs, irrational fears, stepping stones that have become stumbling blocks – start letting go of the things you no longer need, to make room for the things you want in your life.
- Melting Away. Take a luxurious hot bath with salts, rose petals, and your favorite essential oils. You can feel your body sigh as it relaxes into the water, ahhhhh.
- Get Off Your Butt. Chances are, there is some personal goal you have been attempting to achieve for many years – some resolution that stays on your New Year’s list every year. And the fact that it’s been a recurring issue or problem for a while means that it probably has a lot of stuck energy around it. Inertia is the tendency for bodies at rest to stay at rest; momentum is the tendency for bodies in motion to remain in motion. These are physical laws of the universe, and they explain why it’s so hard to get up off the sofa, but once you get to the gym, it’s pretty easy to stay an extra ten minutes on the treadmill. The key to success is to find some external force to provide the necessary boost to get you moving. Willpower alone won’t work (it’s an internal force) so recruit some help. You might want to hire a personal trainer, or find a workout buddy to be your accountability partner.
- Whose Shoes? We are often kinder to others than we are to ourselves. If you have this tendency, it can be beneficial to imagine that someone else is going through your challenges, and then imagine how you would react. Then do for yourself what you would do for the other person, comfort them, cheer them up, or simply sit in silence with your arm around them.
- Touched with Kindness. We humans can be so hard on ourselves and punish ourselves harshly for mistakes in learning and growing. Embrace your human-ness, and soften your unrealistic expectations. Be kind to yourself, and you will become kinder to others, and others will be kinder to you. And, while you're at it, one of the kindest things you can do for yourself or anyone else, is to forgive. Start with yourself: make a list of all the things you’ve done or said or thought that still give you a feeling of regret. Consider each one individually, and remind yourself that, like everyone, you were doing the best that you could in the situation with what you had at the time. If you feel the need to apologize or make amends with another person, then do it. You wouldn’t believe how much energy this will free up for you.